At the Bus Stop

Riley had been sitting on the bench watching the cars, buses and a motorbike pass by for almost a half and hour. It was nearly 10:00 pm on a Friday night and she was exhausted but she had no choice as her bus was still not due to come at her stop for another 15 or so minutes. Hopefully it wasn't later then that, however the night schedule for the bus was not frequent. So, she had put her headphones on and turned on some upbeat music to make sure she stayed up and alert. 

Meanwhile, her head was a mess, she kept going over every minor details of her night. Did she regret what happened? How could she she rush into this so fast? She had wanted this since she met him, but that was no excuse. She craved his attention since the first day he has said hello to her. But what happened tonight was not fair to her. 

Her internal monologue was disturbed when she felt a tap on her shoulder. 

"Sorry, is this yours?" said the voice of a boy with a black T-shirt, worn out jeans, and a cross body gym bag hanging heavily off his back.  He was holding Riley's house keys, which she suspected she dropped while trying to rush to catch the previous bus that was passing just as she was running up to the bus stop. 

"Oh yes, thank you so much!" She said with gratitude. As she took the keys from his hands she noticed his black T-shirt was not plain but has the iron man symbol on it in red.  

"Yeah, no problem!" He said as he took a seat a few feet away on the same bench. 

A few moments passed as both of them listened to each of their music and watched the traffic flow. 

Riley glanced over curiously to verify that his shirt did in fact have the iron man symbol with its robot shaped face and stark red eyes. It did. In that moment their eyes meet and she gave him a closed lip smiled which he matched with a similar smile. 

"Your T-shirt is cool!' She exclaimed slightly taking her headphones off in case he had a response to her comment. 

"Thanks! I like it myself." He responded. 

Just as she was about to pop her headphones back on, he stated, "Weird question but you seem really familiar, did you go to Jackson High?"

"Yeah about 6 years ago now." She explained. 

Which he followed up with, "me too, about 8 years ago now. What's you name?" 

"Riley and we must have seen each other in the hallways or something!" She guessed. 

"Right Riley, and yes we must have." 

After a few more moments after Riley had observed him for a bit, she remember who he was and said, "Oh yeah, you're Nick, you played soccer for our high school team. You were really good from what I remember." 

"Yup, that's me!" He said with hollowness. 

"What did you end up doing after high school? I am sure you got a lot of offers to play for colleges." Riley said. 

Nick did not answer her questions, and Riley worried that she may have asked a sensitive question, so she tired to change the subject. "Where are you heading tonight?" 

"Home, just finished a shift. I work at a restaurant just a few street away." He finally answered this question. 

"Oh yeah? Nice!" Riley commented.  

"You?" He asked after a few moments of deafening silence.

"Going home as well." She didn't not want to elaborate.

There was not much else left to say, so Riley again began to put her headphones in. This time she got both of her headphones into her ears, however just as she was about to press play to one of those upbeat songs and engulf herself with only her music, Nick said, "Late day at work today? 10:00 is kinda late to be going home?" 

"No, No. Bunch of my coworkers and I went out for happy hours, one thing led to another and now its 10:00 o clock." Again, she did not want to elaborate. 

It seemed Nick noticed Riley's discomfort because he said, "Sorry, did that sound nosy? I don't want to be nosy...Well maybe just a little bit." He then smiled. "Just curious what a fellow Jackson High alumni has been up to?"  

"It was nosy, but since you asked a nosy question, can I ask you...Did something happen with you in college?" She spoke hesitantly. 

"That's definitely way more personal then, are you going home from work!" He exclaimed, although there was joking tone to his voice.    

"You don't have to answer!"  she defended. 

There was a pause but then he said, "My mom got really sick my freshmen year of college. So I quit school to take care of her. Then, I needed money and started working odd jobs and just never went back, and now I am wasting my time at this restaurant." He sounded unsettled and somewhat embarrassed.  

"Is she okay now?" Riley asked, hoping the answer was something positive.

"She pasted away last year." 

"I am so sorry Nick!" 

"No it's okay, I am glad she isn't suffering anymore. The last few years were bad. She had stage 4 throat cancer and chemo really took a lot out of her. Can we change the subject now?" He demanded. 

"Sure, I can give you my pathetic reason for waiting at a bus stop at 10 at night." She suggested. Not knowing what else to talk about. She didn't really want to get much into it, but she saw that he was having a hard time talking, and it wasn't like she was ever going to see him again. This was just a chance meeting. He was just a familiar stranger. 

"I though you were coming back from a happy hour?" 

"Happy hour ended at 7, I went back to a co-worker's place. He lives around here." She hesitated before she continued with, "we've been flirting for weeks now, and I made a very not so smart choice to go back to his place." She sighed. 

"Why is that bad? Seems like you both like each other."  His voice had no judgement in it. 

"Right after we...we were done, he got a call from his girlfriend saying that she was coming over. He practically shoved me out the door. I didn't even know he had a girlfriend. So kinda feeling foolish tonight." She finished. 

Nick gave a hollow laugh and said, "At least you only feeling it tonight, that's pretty much been my default feeling since I left college." 

"It's not like you did it on purpose, you had your reasons."  Riley defended Nick. She thought he was being too hard on himself. 

"Today when I saw you I immediately recognized you. I remembered seeing you around the hallways, we even smiled at each other a few time. When you started talking about how good I was at soccer, it made me realize most of our school probably thinks I am up to something great, but here I am waiting tables. Stuck!" 

Nick kicked his feet to the ground in anger and defeat. Riley not knowing what else to do, closed the gap between the two of them on the bus bench and place her hands on his, which was griping the end of the bench. 

"Don't be so hard on yourself, you don't owe anyone anything. If you see yourself through others, you will always come up short. Personally, if I had gone through what you have, I wouldn't even be able to function." She comforted. 

"Thanks." He said looking straight ahead, it didn't seem like he bought her words.

 "Change of subject again...so what are you going to do about work now?" Nick asked, still starting straight. 

It seemed he was just trying to fill up time till his bus got on, but Riley noticed he hadn't moved his hands from under her. She wanted to tighten her grip for some reason, but instead moved her hands away. 

"Pretend like it didn't happen, and hopefully get a new job in due time and never see him again. Then work on my insecurities so I don't make stupid mistakes like this again" She said. 

"You shouldn't have any insecurities, you're a very beautiful girl" he was now facing her. He looked at her for a few seconds and then continued with, "you can always come work at the restaurant with me. I can put in a good word for you." He smiled moving the hand Riley had encapsulated to pointed at himself when he said "I can put in a." When he went back to place his hand on the bench it fell on Riley's. They sat there looking at each other knowing that their hands were touch, but they both didn't move

"It's strange how we went to the same school, entered the same building for at least 2 years together, but today is the first day we have a conversation." Riley observed. 

"Things happen the way they are meant to I guess." Nick said and as he did, he tightened his grip on her hands. The pressure and warmed she felt from his hand was more satisfying than her 3 hours with her coworker.  

"Yeah exactly. We have very little control in life." She almost whispered. Their hands rested together for a while. 

A bus was pulling into there stop and Nick who was facing the direction of where the bus was coming  from, noticed it, and stood up, taking his hand with him. 

"It was nice talking to you. Thanks for dealing with my bad attitude today!" He said apologetically as he gripped his hand on the strap of his bag.  

"Not at all."  

"Listen..." He paused, seeming to contemplated something, but finished with, "See you around!"

Nick walked away from Riley as he got closer to the bus. Then he got on and the bus began moving towards its next stop. 

Riley stayed sitting, thinking about her day today. It was pretty regular, granted she didn't go home with a coworker on the daily, but still that event didn't make this day extraordinary. What did make it a day worth remembering was having someone just touch her hand slightly and it sending waves of excitement through her body. 

She felt the sadness sink and sit in the pit of her stomach as she realized she might not see him again. She should have at least asked what restaurant he worked at, or maybe she would just come to this bus stop everyday at this time and wait for him. 

Somehow that plan felt more pathetic then what she did next. Riley looked up and noticed that the bus was stopped at a red light not too far from the bus stop. She also saw that the roads were decently empty. 

Riley took action quick and ran towards the bus hoping the light stayed red for just a few more seconds, Thankfully it did. 

When she reached the bus's entrance, Riley banged on the double doors, and the driver obliged her request and swing the doors open.  Once she got in, she looked around and saw Nick with his headphones starting out the window a few seats down. She went up to him and removed one of his headphones from his ears. This grabbed his attention. 

"Maybe we can get each other's numbers? I really liked talking to you tonight and would like to do this again soon, but at a normal hour and a normal place." She asked. 

He smiled and said, "I wanted to asked you the same thing, but I come with a lot of baggage." 

"I know, I heard some of it tonight. If there is more baggage, I can listen some more!" She said. 

Just as the bus started moving again, he said, "I think your on the wrong bus, you might not get home till midnight." 

"It's fine, its a Friday. Plus, you can make sure I get home okay, can't you?" She asked. 

"Of course! We'll get off on the next stop and get you on the right track!" 

She took the empty seat next to him. He looked at her and handed her one of  his head buds. Riley placed them in her ears, but there was no music playing but the headphones created a link between the two.

"When I saw you around in school, I always though you were really pretty. Quite and Shy I guessed, but really pretty. Wish I talked to you then!"  He regretted.   

"Me too!" She said facing him. "I thought you were pretty too!" She giggled. 

 Nick mid Riley's giggles pressed his lips against hers lingering only for a few seconds.

On the next bus stop, they waited for Riley's bus, but this time not as far away from each other as before. 

 

Arranged

"This feels like the opposite of an arrange marriage to me, to be honest with you." My friend Preeti, who had come around to easy my nerves and help me get ready, said. She was currently curling my slightly graying hair, I could see the steam of my burning hair circling behind me. 

I was busing myself putting on concealer to hid my wrinkles and dark circles, looking over every minor details of my face.

"That's an odd way of looking at it. I guess it makes sense, my daughter is the one setting me up." I spoke nervously. 

"Don't be nervous Macy!" She noted. "I've been married with Prakash for 25 years now, and we were arranged. Which is just another way of saying I married my blind date. It's basically the same thing!" 

"Yeah basically." I said sarcastically. "And no one is marrying anyone, but I suppose your right, it will be fine, Jill said he is very sweet, he's been divorced for 5 years now. Has a son as well." I babbled justifying my reason to actually go through with this evening, 

Once Preeti was done with my hair and I finished my makeup,  I took one last look in the mirror and was satisfied with the fact that I looked a few years younger than I was. I put on a deep red shade of lipstick on my lips and decided this was the best I was going to look tonight. 

We were suppose to meet at the restaurant by 8, so I had called a cab earlier which thankfully arrived at 7:40 because I did not want to be late. Being fashionably late might have been 'cute' in your 20's, but when your over 50, you definitely lose that luxury. I quickly grabbed my tiny clutch purse and headed out the door to my cab that was patiently waiting for me. 

Twenty minutes later, I was being guided by one of the waiting staff  to my table, which already had the other guess seated. 

Arnold, my date, had his reading glasses on the bridge on his nose as he squinted at the menu. His graying hair was perfectly salt and peppered, almost like a formula went into how much was the gray and how much the black. He wore a green tweeted blazer that made him look like a college professor. I liked his clean, uniformed look and my nerves multiplied 

When I got to the table, Arnold got up and gave me an awkward hug. I sat down on the chair he had just pulled out for me. It had been awhile since I had someone pull out my chair for me. 

"Hope I wasn't too late." I stated apologetically. 

"Not at all, in fact I was early." He smiled. 

"So, what looks good here?" I asked as I looked though the menu not taking anything in. 

It had been 25 years since I've been on my first date. This was hard. The awkward silences echoed loudly in the already loud restaurant. 

"The Chicken Marsala didn't look to bad." He suggested. 

So when the waiter came back some time later, that's what I ordered because I was too focused on creating small talk to look at the menu. He ordered steak for himself. 

We had some awkward pauses but once the food and a bottle of wine arrived, we got more comfortable. We talked about our kids for the first half of the evening. I said I was excited that Jill was part of his Nephew's life and couldn't wait for them to get married. My daughter Jill and Arnold's nephew Henry were suppose to get married at the end on this year. 

To prepare for the coming nuptials, Jill and Henry had planned a dinner between both families. Jill only had me, since my husband passed a few years back. 

During that dinner, I was taken around to meet all of Henry's parents, friends and relatives, but Arnold couldn't make it because of work. That was when my daughter and her future husband decided to set up this date, so I could not only properly meet him, but maybe the two single old folks in their circle could hit it off. I was hesitant, but Jill had suggested that it would be rude to say no now, as Arnold had already agreed to this date. So to keep face with my future in-laws, I had reluctantly agreed. 

 

Jill had called me a few days back to tell me how excited Arnold was to meet up with me. She described him perfect I had to admit. She said he was cute, had a respectful way of speaking, but also had a sense of humor.  She also told me that. "Henry is really excited, Arnold didn't take the divorce well." 

There was a lot of pressure to make sure this, if nothing else, went civilly. This man was in my life from this point forward, most likely as just an in-law.

"Jill was saying you work for an nonprofit environmental agency? I envy you. You get to make the world a better place." He said between bites of his steaks. 

"I retired after my husband passed away, I had a hard time readjusting to a normal way of life." I said a bit hesitant to mention my husband on a first date. 

"Yeah, I took some time off and traveled after my divorce as well." He stated. 

"Where did you travel? Any where good?" I asked more so to redirect the conversation into a different topic.  

"Thailand for about a week, than I got sick and ended my trip early. Spent the rest of my time off at home in bed eating nothing but cereal and takeout from crappy restaurants for weeks. How pathetic is that? I couldn't travel or properly feed myself without my wife." He laughed. 

"No I win, I was definitely more pathetic, for almost a month after my husband died, I...oh this is gross...didn't shower."  I hid my face in embarrassment. I couldn't believe I had just admitted that, but his cantor tone when he spoke about his divorce made me feel okay about sharing my pain. 

"Losing someone can do that to you. Thing you think you will always need like good food..."

"And cleanliness." I interjected. 

"Yes, and cleanliness. They just seem unimportant." He finished. 

"I couldn't agree more."  I

After the food, we decided to order another bottle of red wine as we had already finished a bottle during dinner and a 3rd glass of red was making its way to my mouth. 

"What does a regular day look like for you know that your retired?"  He asked. 

"Yoga in the morning, and fuck all for the rest of the day." I said, wine had apparently turned me into a vulgar person. 

"At least you got yoga." He laughed. 

We chatted more about out hobbies, which at this turn in our lives seem to revolve around our kids. In Arnold's case it was his grandson that kept him busy. He shared  pictures of him with me. His grandson was a lively looking child with a wide smile. In all the pictures he showed me, the kid seemed to be happy and bright, and I was sure he captivates every person he meet's attention. 

"I can't wait till Jill gets pregnant, she is going to be a great mom! She is such a caring person! Just like her fat...her." my voice cracked as I finished that sentence. 

I was not sure if it was the wine or the fact that a hard, very upsetting realization had just hit me, but I had to get out of there. 

"Sorry Arnold, I am going to call it a night. I though I was ready for this, but I don't think I am."  I spoke shakily as I held back tears. 

 

Without even realizing that we hadn't paid for the food, I got up from my chair and as I made my way out, the realization intensified. 

The realization that the man who I spent all the important parts of my life with, the love of my life, through his death was going to miss out on meeting his daughter's child. My grandchild in turn will never has a grandfather to spoil him or her, and my family will always be incomplete. But I think I also felt a bit guilty for actually enjoying myself today.  How could I forget our 25 years together within just a year of his passing. 

A few seconds later, just as I was about to push the restaurant door open, Arnold grabbed my other hand. He turned me around to face him and I braced myself to hear him criticize my rude behavior.  

"Look I get it! This clearly is not easy for you, but I think we are having a good time. I haven't talk this much to anyone in awhile" He said. 

I looked up, shocked that he was not berating me but rather trying to comfort me. 

"How about we just call this 2 old friends catching up. It doesn't have to be a date. Let me talk about my ex-wife some more, rave about my grandchild..."

At the mention of grandchild, I began sobbing uncontrollably. I felt his arms engulf me and I hid my face into his chest in embarrassment and continued to cry. It was like losing my husband all over again.  I had mapped out our entire life together, he was suppose till our kids got married, had kids, and if we were luck maybe we got to meet our great grand kids. Today it hit me that he was no longer on this journey with me, and I would go through our future happy moments without him. I didn't want to explain all this to this man I had just met, although it seemed during our conversations at dinner that he was going through a similar pain, like he had planned for a happily ever after, and now his story was rewritten. Perhaps not as amplified as mine, but still he was struggling to get beyond this. 

We stood by the door as Arnold gently patted my back for a few more minutes till he finally said, "Would you like me to call you a cab? Or what do the kids call it these days and ober?" 

I contemplated this for a minute, maybe I should go home and never put myself through this again, but as upsetting as it was, I realized this was the first time I was able to cry for my pain. After my husband passed away, I let my grief consume me, today felt like a release, and maybe Arnold had nothing to do with it, but I was having a hard time discounting the enjoyment I felt before my breakdown.

 "How about we order some coffee and continue to have that friendly catch up you suggested? I suppose after sobbing into that nice blazer I can describe you as an old friend." I said wiping my face. 

As we drank coffee and Arnold tiptoed around most topics to ensure I did not burst into tears again, I couldn't help but think that this was the worse case scenario of how the evening could have gone, and somehow I still managed to have a good time.